Signs from God

So when the darkest hour happens I'm never alone. . .

There I am, again the solitude creeps in my bones like the cold does so efficiently.  The only one physically there with me is my ever-loyal dog. Always there for me, never-quivering-loyalty. All the plotting of betrayal clouds my mind like a volcano waiting to erupt. I walk the streets in the middle of the night just talking to myself seeing what is it that I can do? Do I even want to do something about it...Can I even do something about it?

So you are going to betray me tomorrow and the only thing I can do is hope that you don't. I look up to the sky and the first thing that I see is a bright light falling. A star has fallen from the sky, no, a ray of hope has appeared before me.  Definitely hope that there is the possibility of still love lingering within. as I stay there thinking about this the direction in which this star fell there is a rolled piece of paper. Two bills $20 dollars each. Forty dollars? From the sky? This is definitely no coincidence. God is speaking to me. Money won't be the problem, but more importantly the hope that the betrayal will not occur is been sown.

I get home and stay in the porch, sitting there listening to the old music I used to listen, when I was happy. Reminiscing on my old happiness rather than my loneliness. My best friend at my side protecting me from everything, we both sit in the cold. My dog and I; hoping for a better tomorrow.

The Lark Ascending.

Period and Continue Writing

So summer is not officially here though it has poked his face once or twice around here. All the summer heat and the smell of summer air makes me feel uneasy, like if I had to do something important but forgot to do it. There's no much that I could do to take this feeling away so its very frustrating.
Just a bit of an update here, since my last post I had been in constant contact with my best friend who moved from my house to her family's house. My thought was that since her sister hates me she would have something to do with the weird way my own friend would, or rather, would not be in contact with me.
To make a long story short and simple, if you call your best friend or text them you would expect at least an answer at some point or another right? When they do manage to speak to you wouldn't you expect a how have you been? I'm sorry I was busy but... Well obviously that never happened it was only when she would finally decide to talk that it was to say ”hi, I'm busy right now watching TV talk to you tomorrow” which obviously never happened when it finally happened was so she could ramble about diets and argue with me for nothing and everything under the sun. This sadden me mainly because this wasn't the person I knew, this was a bitter angry person that hated me. My only rationalization of this was that her sister was the one behind all of this, just like last summer before when she would take her phone and ignore my phone calls and when I actually showed up at her house (4hrs away) to see if they were ok, she freaked out on me.
One day out of nowhere she texted me a long message saying that she had stalked my Facebook and saw that I commented to one of my friends posts who she said that she was tired of self absorbed selfish people and I told her, don't fret there is always people out there that care.  Well she took this comment as if I was calling her self absorbed selfish and that pretty much she did not want to be my friend anymore.

The irony of this is that I was not surprised about this at all, if it wasn't this it would have been another thing. This was just an excuse to get rid of me. How can someone you know for years and you open the doors to your house be so  thoughtless and vindictive? How is it that your supposed to be best friends but not have the dignity to respond to as text but have the time to stalk your Facebook to get an excuse to kill three years of loyal friendship?
My mind was enlightened that day, someone that would do that was not your friend at all. Friendship is a two way street and it takes effort from both parties to make it work.  In her text she literally said that she did not want to discuss anything nor make any kind of effort to be friends any more she just wanted this to end.

Days later I received a letter from her saying that she wasn't angry writing this letter, but that everytime she heard my name she felt sick to her stomach that pretty much I was the worst thing that happened to her, and that she'll miss that I was there for her when noone else would. Does this make any sense at all? Is sad to spend the last three years of your life and find out that to this person your friendship was worth a peanut. Well if anything life has thought me is that is time to move on and continue forward. From my part I did everything and anything to be a good friend a supportive friend. Now is my time to move forward and be supportive to my family, to renew old contacts and friendships, to be my self again.