Clearing The Fog... Revealing a Thick Wall Of Ice. Time To Face The Brittleness Of Reality.

In the last post I mentioned that I finally had bit more of an advantage in getting around the world.  Still getting there. Now most definitely I'm actually getting more and more comfortable being behind the wheel. At the beginning it was quite a daunting task which I had to multitasking and struggle to keep an eye on the road, traffic, and random pedestrians crossing in the middle of the road at night, and on the mirrors. I know it doesn't sound like much but it felt like a lot  when you drive in a city so close to NYC. In short, no one knows how to drive and you end up getting bitched for driving in the right direction at the right speed and not running over a red light or a person lol.

Well besides all the driving and road rage. New things with me seem to happen in a daily basis. The more and more humid the weather got the more and more I felt so frustrated with my hair. Just so you know my hair used to be down to my waist. The fact that my hair is wavy wasn't helping my case. So after four years I finally took the plunge and went to fifth avenue in NYC to get a haircut. For those of you who don't know is quite a bit of money to do it there but I wanted to get something good since I hadn't gotten a haircut in over four years. Well needless to say I paid about $50 US dollars on a short haircut for a man. Anyways first time in a couple of years that I actually feel that I can do more with my hair than to put it in a pony tail. Also my neck got sunburned since I had my long hair protecting it from the sun no longer lol. That was a lot of digressing but I felt that it needed to be said since it has been forever since I have posted something here.

The same day that I was in NYC getting my haircut I felt like a whole different person. Walking to the streets of Manhattan and seeing everything else was as if i was a whole new person seeing everything all over again, yet surprisingly felt as a native from this city. After walking and seeing the city, the people and all on my way back, it hit me.  This was the place that I feel my mindset is married to. Getting in the bus on my way home and seeing the Empire State Building and all its colors looking at me was like two enormous arms extending themselves to me and saying "you are loved here" ALL of yourself is welcomed here; and for the first time in my life, I actually felt saddened to leave the city, to face the fake facade that is my life outside of the big apple.

Existential feelings happen to breeze around my psyche very deeply. I wonder what is going to happen with my life. What big achievements are actually going to happen, and definitely what the future of my loneliness will or will not bring. What can I do, and how can I do this? And yet still maintain my own sanity and integrity and definitely my own individuality without living in the shadows anymore. Would I miss hiding in the darkness? Would everything then be plain and dull once the veil of darkness has disappeared and unravel the reality of things? Of one thing I am certain, I should not fear but step through the darkness and face things bravely and intelligently as they come. I know God and confidence in myself will give me the strength required to surpass the brittleness of reality.