Double The Commitment = Independence? Moving On?

Things are definitely having an interesting hue. Everything has turned so complicated. the relationship I was in is over. Who am I kidding? Even though he broke up with me the day after my birthday the relationship continues in a new fucked-up way.  I'm the one dealing with his bullshit all over again with the given benefit of being called nothing but the "EX" . On the bright side
I'm actually much more relaxed,  I'm not worried about who he is cheating on me with,  or if he is lying to me.  It really doesn't matter that much anymore. The issue that I now have is the fact that he likes the fact that I am dependable and always there when he needs me; so he is jealous of me and that  doesn't allow me to move on.  I still come home and stare at the curtains in my room's window hoping that I see light,  meaning that he is home for me.  Unfortunately the truth is that he is here because of him.  His mental stability,  his financial security,  his own laziness and his own selfish ways.  There is no honest concern about  me... The one who provides.  I'm just  Santa bringing all these things.  At this point I hope that my second job keeps me so busy that I would be so absent from everything that everyone would have to finally stop waiting for me to do everything for them...  I can only hope. 

Signs from God

So when the darkest hour happens I'm never alone. . .

There I am, again the solitude creeps in my bones like the cold does so efficiently.  The only one physically there with me is my ever-loyal dog. Always there for me, never-quivering-loyalty. All the plotting of betrayal clouds my mind like a volcano waiting to erupt. I walk the streets in the middle of the night just talking to myself seeing what is it that I can do? Do I even want to do something about it...Can I even do something about it?

So you are going to betray me tomorrow and the only thing I can do is hope that you don't. I look up to the sky and the first thing that I see is a bright light falling. A star has fallen from the sky, no, a ray of hope has appeared before me.  Definitely hope that there is the possibility of still love lingering within. as I stay there thinking about this the direction in which this star fell there is a rolled piece of paper. Two bills $20 dollars each. Forty dollars? From the sky? This is definitely no coincidence. God is speaking to me. Money won't be the problem, but more importantly the hope that the betrayal will not occur is been sown.

I get home and stay in the porch, sitting there listening to the old music I used to listen, when I was happy. Reminiscing on my old happiness rather than my loneliness. My best friend at my side protecting me from everything, we both sit in the cold. My dog and I; hoping for a better tomorrow.

The Lark Ascending.