Is It Jealousy? ... You just became an asshole.

I'm barely here but when I'm here is for a reason, to bitch about my life.

Lately I have been questioning the "alliances" I have with my so called friends. . . are they just acquaintances? Are they using me? Are they just in it for their own purposes? In particular a friend which I esteemed a lot seems to lately been stealing my "dreams" I know I might be talking out of jealousy of the things I can't really do. He told me that he wants to go to the place I always wanted to go. My dream destination. The issue of this is that he was so insensitive at telling me all this. Him knowingly that I can't possibly get there and he can . . . I know this sounds too petty but quite honestly is equivalent to that kid that you tell him how awesome your favorite rock band is and how their songs speak to you so deep; and this kid goes and buys every shirt and paraphernalia from this band and calls you to let you know how "HE" is going to their concert whilst he doesn't know a thing about them. Makes you hurt that such "posy" behavior and I don't know if jealousy might quite be the feeling for this thing, but insensitivity is definitely it. A true friend would be look I got all these things and I know how much you like this band "LET'S GO TO THIS CONCERT TOGETHER." I am surrounded by selfish people. I know I'm not perfect but something I am more than anything is empathetic. I wouldn't flaunt it to anyone's face the things I can do when I know they are bound by chains.

In retrospective this is nothing to be bitching about but the fact that this happens practically everyday by people that love me [?] is so aggravating. I know I'm bitching about stupid stuff and things that wouldn't matter but when is the basis for "friendship,"  it really makes you thing if this is actually a friendship. Are you contacting me for me? Or is it because you like the places I take you and can get you in or is it because I can get you things, get you there. What if I can't, will you still see me as a "friend"? will you still think I'm worth the while. I'm I just useful to you that way and once I'm not am I going to end up in the dump where you throw everyone else?

I'm a ride, a bottle, a ticket, a pass, and ID but not a person... to you.

I need to stop letting people do this to me.