Lately I have been super tired, not just your regular tired but like the exhausted type of tired. Literally I wake up tired and remained like that until late at night. I knock out at about midnight and then the cycle continues. To be fair I have been working doubles lately, which means that I have been working since 8 AM until about 10-11 PM that's about 14 hours a day everyday. The issue is that lately even on my days off I'm just exhausted. Coffee has been my best friend though I have to be honest, its not quite working anymore. I recently purchased a multivitamin in the hopes that it might just be a vitamin deficiency. It's not a matter of lack of sleep anymore, is that there's just not enough hours in the day for me to remain asleep, and even when I wake up, my body is just physically drained. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Libido is taking its toll, I don't want to do anything like that anymore, though mentally I can. . . my body just wants to sleep.
Thinking about this I feel like all the time I'm always busy, and then I realize that I'm super busy inside my head. I'm always splitting my time between my family, my friends, and others. . . but I'm trying to do it all by accommodating them in to their schedule. I'm dragging everyone to success but at the cost of my own sanity. I always envied my brother and now at my ex on how they can block the rest of the world and they submerge themselves in their own world of either, video games, drawing, playing an instrument or whatever. I, on the other hand can't finish my own work because I drop everything to accommodate them so THEY can have a better quality of life.
I have started to take the bull by the horns and I actually stopped giving rides to people on Tuesdays. I need to stop on Sundays and possibly on Thursdays as well. I'm stretching myself too thin. Is a double work. ----- My dad tends to do that, and he's always so exhausted he just sleeps when he gets home--- I guess I had to get it from someone, but I need to stop the vicious cycle. This way of life is causing me to have a serious attack of stress and I'm so busy that I don't even know it, until now.
Today I didn't answered any phone calls or messages, besides helping my cousin out this morning, I didn't answer to anyone else. I put my cellphone in do not disturbed so only my brother could contact me in case of emergency. I haven't really accessed social media (not trying to keep up anymore with anyone's life until I keep up with mine) and I finally I'm using my laptop that I wanted for the longest. I cut my hair and took my dog out.
Never realized how I pull everyone in my life forward, but squash myself in the process. The progress of this already started as I typed this rant. . . This is the reason why I have this blog.
This has been Firechild signing out.⽕⽕⽕
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