This little gnome garden thing should feel magical but it just pisses me off. The corny colors are so un-Christmasy more like a Bengali house decor. It looks dingy and ghetto.
The one thing I could count to make me feel good is coffee. Specially in small containers. It brings some comfort and warmth that is hard to find nowadays.
I keep thinking in what is going to happen in the far future. My new life came in so quickly and with many challenges and tragedies. I keep thinking in what is going on with my life. Here I am in a new apartment. My baby is no longer physically with me and I see myself more alone than ever.
The one thing that I really miss a lot, my child. He stuck with me thru thick and thin and I miss him so much. He visited me the other day in my dreams. . . he is ok. One day we will reunite again. In the meantime I miss hugging him. Canela is another little soul that I really need to make sure she doesn't live a lonely life. I can do something to change that. I have to make sure she is ok.
Images of my child keep popping in my head every so often and my heart aches.
Is funny how things keep happening, but it seems like I keep hiding from the inevitable future. He's supposed to be moving out and my dumbass felt sentimental and didn't want him to go so there I fucking go and say "make sure you don't make the same mistake and move in too quickly." well now it's biting me in the ass.
He has made himself comfortable again. . .
I have to be honest with myself and learn to realize that I shouldn't be afraid to be alone. I'm afraid of loneliness. I most of all feel suicidal when not surrounded by people. Being alone seems to be my weakness. I need to turn that into a strength. . . somehow.
It has been a while since I have expressed myself in this medium. This new computer definitely makes it easier to do such thing. Whenever i get on this computer it is always ready and charged. I actually like this computer so much. It is very slim and not heavy at all. . . making portability and ease of use even better.
So, for the longest I've been saying that I would like to be an apple person and it seemed that apple had got a bad rep of making bad technology and selling it for an exorbitant amount of money that I have kept things with android phones. This new laptop with the M1 chip seems to be the best of the best you can get nowadays. I took the plunge and finally got me my first apple product, I can see the hype on the culture made behind this brand but so far I'm liking it. I got myself a new laptop from apple apple and so far it just works whenever I need it. The MacBook Pro is literally what I need it. when I need it it does exactly what I need it to do, it's on and it makes exactly what I need it to do. It works! I just need to see the whole apple ecosystem and see how I can work with it. My phone is acting up so now I'm seeing the possibility of switching to iPhone and may be just looking into the apple ecosystem, hopefully is not working against me.
