Rubber-Band Ball, Ball Under Stress 9:40 PM
Skipped a day from writing an entry, just too tired and busy to write anything. I finally started reading that book "To be Read By Candle Light" and finished the first story . i like the way it was written but the story itself, just sucked. I went to sleep around 3:40 AM and then had to wake up around 8:00 because I had to go to work today. I don't know, it seemed a drag to go to that place for the 100th time this week. I didn't eat breakfast nor anything but when I got there, it seemed as if no one wanted to be there. As the day progressed more and more people kept coming and they all seemed in a good mood, I even got a couple tips. ^_^! (hurray!) I was kinda bored of the same routine so I took a picture of this kids slippers and sent it to Marucha. We kept texting, I was just hoping to get out of there soon but it seemed that the Marucha was just thinking in how the parents were in the kitchen. She complaints a lot about the parents, her teacher, parents, homework, e-mail, her health, Capi, the weather, food, and everything under the sun. I understand why she does it though but sometimes its just annoying, you don't have to mutter everything under your breath it just get under the skin of other people and you create more issues in which you'll complain more about. She means well, and she's a wonderful person but 95% of the time (that she spends with me anyway) she's complaining and moping. I can almost imagine her reading this and just focusing on how I said she complaints a lot and totally forgetting on how I say how "she's a wonderful person." Sigh . . . That's how she starts to complaint. I complain a lot, specially in this book [blog] but there's something crucial, that I always remember that is to live and let live.
Sometimes I feel like the Marucha blows me always from her life when she needs to meet with her friends but if I were to ever do that, I would never hear the end of it, in fact I feel that she would just stop talking to me altogether and she would just move on with her life, not caring one bit for anything. I asked her today if she wanted to come with me to the bank (parents driving) and to my surprise she said yes! I did tell her that we were not going to get down from the car. So after the bank the parents said if we waned to go for a drive somewhere, or for some coffee, to which she responded to me. "NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO ANYWHERE BUT HOME BECAUSE YOU SAID WE WEREN'T GOING TO GET DOWN FROM THIS CAR! AND IF WE GO TO DUNKIN' DOUGHNUTS I JUST KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME GET DOWN AND I'M NOT DRESSED FOR THIS AND I FEEL SICK . . . " I felt as if I was getting accused for something I didn't do, I just asked a simple question. since then she's been ignoring me doing other things to avoid talking to me as if I had deeply offended her. Sometimes I feel that I feel happier dealing with retarded bosses and people that I don't know than to come home and see your "best friend" ignoring you, blaming you, complaining to you and about you with her mom, other people and over all diminishing the importance of friendship by trivialities. I feel that when I come home, my parents just look for me to do something for them, my brothers just looking for me to be their sound board and my best friend complaining about everyone and me just sitting here trying to comply wit my mom, Chiyo, and his "insubordination." how mistreated I feel by him, how blunt, angry at me he is because according to him and ALL his friends, I'm the one ruining his life. If it wasn't for me he would have anything he wanted. (like he doesn't already). Maruchan is right on this one though; everyone in this family does what they want, and get what they want. My mom gets clothes for her granddaughters, my Dad gets his coffee, or other stuff when he wants, and Chiyo, gets everything he wants with out doing anything for anyone else safe- Victoria, whim obviousely is using chiyo like she u$e$ the rest of the world.
It seems that I never really get anything for myself. I was thinking in getting an Ipod touch for myself but just last night, I had something come to mind, why not buy the eyeglasses for both my parents since they need them. I told that to the Marucha in the car and her response was a very annoyed "DO WHATERVER YOU WANT IT'S YOUR MONEY" it seems that every since then she got pissed at me.
Right now, I feel like I want to disappear form this house and go somewhere where people are just happy and I can be myself, not worrying about what people are doing thinking if I did a thing that might get them mad or just be so needy . I feel that for once in my life i want to be a bit selfish and worry about myself, get something for me. I lie, what i really want is for people in this house to be a bit more respectful for the needs of other, but more importantly I want them to allow me to have my own life without them wanting me to fix every single aspect of their lives (this includes people at my job as well, and people form upstairs).
Sometimes i wonder what would happen if I died . Probably everyone will move on and go on with their lives.
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